Dad-Bods Unite and Write On

Submission criteria and story ideas. It’s long, but good! Keep reading.

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood, Courtesy of Free Images on Pexels

By Charles Roast

Well, I’ve gone and done it. I have submitted my first story to a different publication, thinking it’s the funniest thing since sliced bread (mixing metaphors, I know). And so far, at the time of writing this, it has not been well reviewed by peers, or the publication editor. Ever been there? Maybe I’m not as funny as I think? Nah, not possible. So, I think I’ll submit it to another publication and see what they say. If they don’t like it, I’ll post it here. I know the editor.

So, I decided to create this little baby. It’s brand new and I’m still working out the kinks. Be patient with me if you decide to submit here. Can’t wait to see it grow up, and what it becomes. I know, I know. Everybody says that about their publications, and a lot of them just fester or die a slow death. But I’m different. I really mean it. No, no, really I do. You wanna know why? Because I NEED this to work for my mental health.

Also, be aware that as I learn more on how to put this publication together, I may make changes in its appearance and functionality. But, essentially, this is the look I am going for.

I know I need to find followers and writers. I know I need to get exposure for this thing. But I’m guessing I am not the only Dad-Bod out there writing things. . .any-things. And this is where they should go. Where they belong. But as usual, we need rules:

CONTENT:

  1. What we want to publish: I use the “royal” we, but some day, I hope to add additional editors. But for now, it’s just me. Like all Publications, I want quality writing. That means read, reread, edit, reread, edit some more. But I am willing to accept work of a quality that can be improved if it is fantastic content. I might send it back with tips to improve it first, then it’s up to you if you want to re-submit. Here’s a simple explanation of the type of content we want: essays of quality that relate to men, preferably in their 50’s or so (a decade or three either way is okay, but you have to have a Dad-Bod) in one of several topic areas discussed in a different article posted under submissions.
  2. Rules of Submission: All submissions must comply with Medium’s Rules and Ad-Free Policy. Partner Program stories must also comply with Medium’s Content Guidelines and Curation Guidelines.
  3. Read these carefully, study them, learn them. They will help you get curated and will make your submission pretty. It will also save me a lot of grief.
  4. We will publish fiction and non-fiction. No poetry: I don’t understand it, don’t like reading it, don’t know how to write it, and not interested in it. Sorry, not sorry poets. Your article, in terms of quality, must have a clear point or purpose. I don’t want to have try to figure out what you are saying here. Remember, Medium is a platform for our best work and to learn to write better. Don’t get lost in the forest and meander around until we lose interest. If you write about your ex, or current, or the other genders, no put downs or misogyny or misandry. We want to have fun, learn to decompress, share, and understand we are not alone in what we are going through. Maybe even advice on how to get through it.
  5. NO WOMAN WRITERS WHO DON’T HAVE DAD-BODS! No, no, just kidding! We welcome your observations, insight, and positive perspective on this time in our lives. Positive being the key word. Funny and poignant are good, too. Never hurts to tell us how attractive and funny we are, how you sympathize with our plight, tips to make your/our sexual experience better as we get older, etc.,. Absolutely no put-downs or misandry.
  6. If you submit to our publication, we want to get as many readers as possible. So, tell your friends, link to FB and Twitter, or your blog. Get your followers to follow us so they can see your new articles. No submissions whose sole purpose is to sell something (we make that determination, but you can probably figure this out), involve ads or excessive self-promotion ( a link to your blog or book is probably alright). A little self-promotion is okay, but too much self-promotion will not even get a response from us. Submissions with embedded forms will be rejected. Submissions may contain a maximum of two related stories using Medium’s embedded links. Inline links related to the content of your story are acceptable. Stories requesting claps, linking to payment services (like Venmo or Square Cash), or otherwise asking for payment will be rejected.
  7. English language only, please. If English is your second language, try to find someone whose first language is English to help you proofread and edit it. And let me know that when you email the link to your story. If the story is FANTASTIC, I will either make some minor edits of my own and let you review them, or I will let the audience know you are writing in your second language.
  8. Try to properly write paragraphs, grammar, and spell words correctly. There is no excuse but laziness if you send in a piece that has those errors. With all the editing software out there for grammar and spellcheck, this shouldn’t be the issue that gets your submission rejected. However, you are human (I am an algorithm), and there will be mistakes. We’ll deal with that.
  9. Send unpublished drafts for now. Maybe later we’ll try previously published stuff (from Medium). Sending stories published on another platform is okay with me, as long as you retain the rights to do so.

IMAGES AND PICTURES:

  1. PICTURES! Good, high quality pictures. Get free at Pexels, Unsplash, and other free sites, and ATTRIBUTE. But, you know what I really want? Original pictures by you, the writer. High quality, colorful, and relevant. Let’s showcase some of your photography talent. Remember to check Casey’s Medium Blogging Guide for sizing of pictures. Susan Brearley owner/editor of Medium Publication MuddyUm also has articles about formatting, etc.,. They’re both very helpful. Also, be aware that you may not get curated if your own picture doesn’t meet Medium’s quality guidelines.
  2. Put the image below the title and subtitle. Otherwise, follow the rules of all those writers out there who tell you where the best place to put the photo is to have a better chance to be curated.
  3. Attribution: I, and Medium, need to know you have the legal right to use the image. All images require a caption clearly citing the source and usage rights, even if it is a photo taken or created by the author. Medium is partnered with Unsplash to easily add images with proper citation to every submission. There are other free sites as well. Number 1 in this section has a link to Casey’s Medium Blogging Guide that lists 25 free image sites.
  4. Submissions containing images with unclear or improperly cited credits will be rejected. We reserve the right to remove questionable images from otherwise acceptable submissions.

REQUEST TO CONTRIBUTE:

  1. This one is easy. I know you are probably tired of reading this by now. Hang in there, we are almost done. Any member of Medium can submit to Dad-Bods. At this time, I don’t have a mailing list to sign up for, or a form to fill out. If you are a member of Mediums Partner Program, make sure your article is eligible to make you some money.
  2. Send me an email at charlesroast2020@yahoo.com. (Copy and past this email; I don’t know how, yet, to make a link.) Attach a link to the draft and, unlike many other publications, feel free to write a LITTLE something about you or the piece, etc.,. Not much, or I won’t read it all, probably. The piece should really speak for itself. DO NOT send an attachment or the text in the body of the email. Automatic delete from my email will result! I repeat: Emails containing pitches, ads, links(other than to your story), or attachments will be ignored.
  3. You must be a member of Medium to contribute. Follow Medium’s process for adding a draft to a publication. All submissions must be made through this process unless it is different than mine. Use mine to submit to Dad-Bods.
  4. Submissions should use Medium’s built-in title and subtitle formatting. Add a brief kicker if you want. I’m not sure what a “kicker” is, but it sounds fun and I’ll research it.
  5. Submissions with a link in the title or subtitle, written in all capital letters, or containing excessive and unnecessary (in my opinion)profanity of any kind will be rejected. We prefer no profanity in the article, but if it’s not excessive or degrading, we’ll consider it. After all, we are adults.

What We Want for Each Topic on Dad-Bods

Here’s a brief wish list for the type of articles we are looking for, er, I mean, for which we are looking. . .for

Photo by Daria Shevtsova Pexels Free Images

Dad-Bods is a pretty elite group of handsome, intelligent, sensitive, sexy, loving, caring and nurturing parents and/or individuals. But you don’t have to be any of that to write for us. Well, except for the “individual” thing. That’s like, being a person.

And if you are not a Dad-Bod, feel free to submit a positive, helpful article and we’ll make you an official Dad-Bod.

Someday soon, I will have a Facebook page and a mailing list. I just have to figure out how to do it.

I’m a pretty laid back kinda guy, but my feelings do get hurt quite easily. So, if you submit to this publication, please try not to hurt my feelers with your article.

You know what TO do: follow writing and submission guidelines from Medium and Dad-Bods. They’re practically the same thing. There should be an article under the Submission tab trying to explain them.

You also know what NOT to do: no misogyny, misandry, sexist or racist bullshit, LGBTQ-phobia, etc.,. Also, don’t write “How to. . . on Medium,” articles. Booor- ing! No, seriously, there are plenty of articles about Medium out there that are very helpful. I refer to them frequently when writing, and while building this publication. No need to put them here, too.

Write to have fun, deliver a helpful message to those of us suffering from/enjoying our Dad-Bods, tell a story about your life, marriage, divorce, kids, dating, sex, etc.,. Humor is my favorite, but it’s not exclusive for submissions.

Also, and most importantly, I am new to owning a Publication. I will do my best, but please have patience with me. Like others, I have a full time job and other responsibilities besides writing. Dad-Bods will be a work in progress for a while as I learn how to change and adapt it to make it better.

Here are the general guidelines for the topics:

Men’s Health

Photo by Andy Vu, Courtesy of Pexels Free Images

Tell us about exercise and dietary regimes. Tell us about health issues you have and how you are dealing with them. Talk to us about mental, physical, and emotional health issues that follow or exist for men as they age, and how you are dealing with them. You get the picture. Speaking of pictures, you know how, in the submission guidelines I said I wanted original photography if possible? Feel free to use free, accredited professional photos from the free sites here. Or not. Use your own if you wish. Just, please, keep your clothes on.

By Women for Dad-Bods

Photo by Jopwell, Courtesy of Pexels Free Images

Ladies, we would love to hear your positive opinions on all things men. No haters allowed. Give us advice on health, love, dating, sex, cooking, divorce, marriage, and, heck, even women. Because even though I understand you completely, most men really don’t have a clue (in my opinion). Also, please feel free to submit high quality original photos with your work.

Cooking/Grilling

Tell us your SIMPLE recipes. I’ll write an example and explain it under the topic, with a picture of the actual food made by yours truly. So, if you submit a recipe, shows us some good pictures of you making it(you don’t have to show your identity if you so choose), and the final product.

Fiction

We would love to see some of your stories. SHORT excerpts from books that tell us a story and gives us an idea of what the book is about(with a link to your book is okay). But only one excerpt from one book. And if you have written a ton of books, try not to flood me with excerpts all at once. Spread them out about a month a part, please. Also, flash fiction, which I understand is 500 words or less, is preferred.

Divorce/Marriage

Men, if you are happy in your marriage, tell us about it, give us advice, what works for you, what your spouse’s opinions are, how the two of you manage the household, work, kids, etc.,. If you are unhappily married or divorced, same thing. Tells us what works, if it was rough or simple, if you remain friends, etc.,.

Love/Dating/Sex

Photo by Vera Arsic, Courtesy of Pexels Free Images

Yeah, a rough one here, I think. I do NOT want stories about how you are successfully cheating on your spouse. I want stories on, well, Dad-Bods dating, finding love, and sex related issues. Examples would be: how you handle intimacy with a new spouse or significant other after a divorce from a long term marriage, re-marriage opinions, living alone,first dates, etc.,. I really don’t need to know the nitty-gritty of it, just. . .a story.

After reading the above topical guidelines you are not sure if and where your story fits on Dad-Bods, submit it anyway. I’m flexible. I’ll read it and let you know.

I am so looking forward to hearing from you! Best of luck in your writing and your life!

With Love and Sincerity,

Charles “Call me Chuck” Roast

FINISH:

That’s about it for now. It’s an awful lot, I know. If any of this is confusing or contradictory, let me know via email and I will try to fix it. But I read several Submission sections from many different Publications and tried to take the best from them without plagiarizing. I may add or delete as time goes on.

With Love and Sincerity,

Charles “call me Chuck” Roast

Many thanks to all the writer’s that wrote articles that helped me understand how to make my own publication, especially those cited within this article, Casey Botticello and Susan Brearley.

The “real” me, released into the wild, unashamedly blunt, politically incorrect, brutally honest(in a nice way), funny, and still lovable. And still anonymous.

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